GONG Jae Ok

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They are everything that I am not.

They have everything I have not.

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I am nothing like them.

I have nothing else like them.

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I can never be like them.

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I am nothing like them.

They are nothing like me.

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They can always be like me;

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but I am afraid that I am not always like that;

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cheerful, happy, carefree and resourceful.

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* It is quite obvious that I am nothing

* by far near that. I am someone I never

could be. I have something that I hardly

want to recognize; the fact that my body

came along with a tormented soul, which

* * * is nothing that I ever signed up for.

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* And I guess that it *

* has been entirely up to me to turn *

* this wretched soul of mine into something *

beautiful, some of a kind, something to remember

me by, something to cherish, something to celebrate,

something to make a tribute to instead of aching,

wretching and be in such agony in this lifetime

that I have been given. I don’t actually know.

What I do know is that I have this urge, hint,

to make something beautiful out of all my

experiences because otherwise all this pain

and agony have been all in vain. So, I am bound

to do what I for certain have been given in this world

& it is to put my feelings, good or bad, negative or positive,

into words on a piece of paper. It makes me feel less pain & *

agony. It makes me understand myself better & lastly it gives

me a sense of safety & belonging in this strange world of ours. *

Because it is not a choice, it’s the only way for me to go forward

without burning myself. This is the only way for me to approach

& hold the torch in order for not only me but others to follow

my way. If I made it through fire and ashes, then sure as

hell you could do it. 

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And if you are not inclined to believe

me at this precise moment, all I am asking of

you is for you to take my hand and follow me, the torch

that I am holding in my hand and walk with me for a while

& then you’ll see what happens. I promise you that what scares

* the shit out of you right now, we can crumble in a minute as *

soon as you expose what is holding you back, that fear of yours,

that scary thing that rattles you. So, all I am asking is simply

for you to trust me enough to take my hand. That is all I am

asking of you. This is the main reason for me to not be every-

thing that they are. This is the main reason for me to not

have everything that they have. This is the sole and

only reason that can never be like them, because

if I were to be exactly like them, you would never,

by any chance, take my hand and let the light of the

torch guide you and that, in itself, would be a true tragedy.

The reason is that the journey we would have embarked would

be such a rare opportunity to find out who we were always meant

to be; perfectly imperfect in our own kind of beautiful way, grow

into our full potential, to be the truest versions of ourselves. Last

but not least, the two of us, you and me, would be the guiding

light to all those other lost souls somewhere out there who

wish nothing more to be in a crowd, not any pack but

the right pack, be understood, be accepted, be seen

& be safe with the heart, soul, mind and body.

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To be appreciated. To be loved. *

* To be accepted. Exactly for who you are

but mainly for who you are not and with that *

having a deep understanding of why you are what

you are as of today, where you are coming from &

* lastly where you are headed with the luggage *

of yours containing your life path so far. *

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